Twenty Funny Truths

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1. Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving.
2. Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.
3. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
4. They said we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried- but they wanted cash.
5. A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.
6. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
7. Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without... but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
8. You can't buy love. . But you pay heavily for it.
9. True friends stab you in the front.
10. Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me.
11. Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
12. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
13. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
14. Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
15. Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
16. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
17. They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.
18. Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
19. Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something.
20. Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books..these days its mobile numbers he he he



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Some proverbs

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
Wendell Johnson

. A book tightly shut is but a block of paper.
Chinese Proverb

. What worries you masters you.
Haddon W. Robinson

Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everybody I've ever known

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The key to success

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WHENEVER I FIND THE KEY TO SUCCESS, SOMEONE CHANGES THE LOCK.
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TO ERR IS HUMAN, TO FORGIVE IS NOT A COMPANY POLICY.
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THE ROAD TO SUCCESS??.. IS ALWAYS UNDER CONSTRUCTION.
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ALCOHOL DOESN'T SOLVE ANY PROBLEMS, BUT IF YOU THINK AGAIN, NEITHER DOES MILK.
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IN ORDER TO GET A LOAN, YOU FIRST NEED TO PROVE THAT YOU DON'T NEED IT.
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ALL THE DESIRABLE THINGS IN LIFE ARE EITHER ILLEGAL, EXPENSIVE OR FATTENING.
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SINCE LIGHT TRAVELS FASTER THAN SOUND, PEOPLE APPEAR BRIGHTER BEFORE YOU HEAR THEM SPEAK.
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EVERYONE HAS A SCHEME OF GETTING RICH?.. WHICH NEVER WORKS.
EVERYONE HAS A SCHEME OF GETTING RICH?.. WHICH NEVER WORKS.
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IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED?. DESTROY ALL EVIDENCE THAT YOU EVER TRIED.
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YOU CAN NEVER DETERMINE WHICH SIDE OF THE BREAD TO BUTTER. IF IT FALLS DOWN, IT WILL ALWAYS LAND ON THE BUTTERED SIDE.
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ANYTHING DROPPED ON THE FLOOR WILL ROLL OVER TO THE MOST INACCESSIBLE CORNER.
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***** 42.7% OF ALL STATISTICS IS MADE ON THE SPOT. *****
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AS SOON AS YOU MENTION SOMETHING?? IF IT IS GOOD, IT IS TAKEN?. IF IT IS BAD, IT HAPPENS.
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HE WHO HAS THE GOLD, MAKES THE RULES ---- MURPHY'S GOLDEN RULE.
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IF YOU COME EARLY, THE BUS IS LATE. IF YOU COME LATE?? THE BUS IS STILL LATE.
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ONCE YOU HAVE BOUGHT SOMETHING, YOU WILL FIND THE SAME ITEM BEING SOLD SOMEWHERE ELSE AT A CHEAPER RATE.
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WHEN IN A QUEUE, THE OTHER LINE ALWAYS MOVES FASTER AND THE PERSON IN FRONT OF YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE THE MOST COMPLEX OF TRANSACTIONS.
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IF YOU HAVE PAPER, YOU DON'T HAVE A PEN??. IF YOU HAVE A PEN, YOU DON'T HAVE PAPER?? IF YOU HAVE BOTH, NO ONE CALLS.
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ESPECIALLY FOR ENGG. STUDENTS----IF YOU HAVE BUNKED THE CLASS, THE PROFESSOR HAS TAKEN ATTENDANCE.
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YOU WILL PICK UP MAXIMUM WRONG NUMBERS WHEN ON ROAMING.
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THE DOOR BELL OR YOUR MOBILE WILL ALWAYS RING WHEN YOU ARE IN THE BATHROOM.
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AFTER A LONG WAIT FOR BUS NO.20, TWO 20 NUMBER BUSES WILL ALWAYS PULL IN TOGETHER AND THE BUS WHICH YOU GET IN WILL BE CROWDED THAN THE OTHER.
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IF YOUR EXAM IS TOMORROW, THERE WILL BE A POWER CUT TONIGHT.
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IRRESPECTIVE OF THE DIRECTION OF THE WIND, THE SMOKE FROM THE CIGARETTE WILL ALWAYS TEND TO GO TO THE NON-SMOKER

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Principles of life .....

Winning isn't everything. But wanting to win is.

You would achieve more, if you don't mind who gets the credit.

When everything else is lost, the future still remains.

Don't fight too much. Or the enemy would know your art of war.

The only job you start at the top is when you dig a grave.

If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for everything.

If you do little things well, you'll do big ones better.

Only thing that comes to you without effort is old age.

You won't get a second chance to make the first impression.

Only those who do nothing do not make mistakes.

Never take a problem to your boss unless you have a solution.

If you are not failing you're not taking enough risks.

Don't try to get rid of bad temper by losing it.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Those who don't make mistakes usually don't make anything

There are two kinds of failures. Those who think and never do and those who do and never think

Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win.

All progress has resulted from unpopular decisions.

Change your thoughts and you change your world.

Understanding proves intelligence, not the speed of the learning.

There are two kinds of fools in this world. Those who give advice and those who don't take it

The best way to kill an idea is to take it to a meeting.

Management is doing things right. Leadership is doing the right things.

Friendship founded on business is always better than business founded on friendship.

Inspiring quotes...

SOME OF THE INSPIRING QUOTES WHICH TELL NOT TO GIVE UP IN LIFE SO YOU CAN LEARN SOMETHING FROM THESE QUOTES
1) NEVER EXPECT THINGS TO HAPPEN..
STRUGGLE AND MAKE THEM HAPPEN.
NEVER EXPECT YOURSELF TO BE GIVEN A GOOD VALUE CREATE A VALUE OF YOUR OWN

2) IF A DROP OF WATER FALLS IN LAKE THERE IS NO IDENTITY.
BUT IF IT FALLS ON A LEAF OF LOTUS IT SHINE LIKE A PEARL.
SO CHOOSE THE BEST PLACE WHERE YOU WOULD SHINE..

3) FALLING DOWN IS NOT DEFEAT...
DEFEAT IS WHEN YOUR REFUSE TO GET UP...
4) SHIP IS ALWAYS SAFE AT SHORE... BUT IS IS NOT BUILT FOR IT

5) WHEN YOUR SUCCESSFUL YOUR WELL WISHERS KNOW
WHO YOU ARE WHEN YOU ARE UNSUCCESSFUL
YOU KNOW WHO YOUR WELL WISHERS ARE

6) IT IS GREAT CONFIDENCE IN A FRIEND TO TELL HIM
YOUR FAULTS;

7) "TO THE WORLD YOU MIGHT BE ONE PERSON,
BUT TO ONE PERSON YOU JUST MIGHT BE THE WORLD

8) "EVEN THE WORD 'IMPOSSIBLE' SAYS 'I M POSSIBLE' "

9) EFFORT IS IMPORTANT, BUT KNOWING WHERE
TO MAKE AN EFFORT IN YOUR LIFE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE.

sweet gudbyes...

Sometimes...there's a time...You must say goodbyeThough it hurts...You must learn...To try...I know...I've got...To let you go...But I know...Anywhere...You go...You'll never...Be far...'Coz...Like the light..Of a bright star...You'll keep shining...In my life...You're gonna...Be right...Here...In my heart...That's where...You'll be...You'll be ...With me...Here...In my heart...

Something that we should implement....

To My All Weather Friend....

Partly Cloudy, Rain, or Shine,
I'm so happy you are a friend of mine.
You have no agenda to which you expect me to conform,
You are always there to help me weather the storm.
You are with me through the good times and the bad,
When I am happy and when I am sad.
Your friendship is unconditional, without any strings,
You will probably never know how much joy it brings.
With you I want to be until the end,
Thank you for being my All Weather Friend!

Friendship...

Friendship is precious,not only in the shade, but in the sunshine of life;and thanks to a benevolentarrangement of things,the greater part of life is sunshine. ~Thomas Jefferson~

Of all the blossoms in life's garden,friendship is the most fragrant.~Anonymous~

A friend is a gift where worth cannot be measured except by the heart

Be full of sympathy toward each other,loving one another with tender hearts and humble minds~1 Peter 3:8~

Friendship is sharing openly,laughing often,trusting always,caring deeply.

We can pour our heart out to a friendknowing that gentle hands will take and sift it,keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.
Thank YOU for being my friend

MAY YOU, AND ALL THOSE YOU LOVE,
BE SO BLESSED AND FORTUNATE ..
TO BE SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE
WHO WILL HELP YOU GET UNTANGLED
FROM THE THINGS THAT ARE BINDING YOU.
AND, MAY YOU ALWAYS KNOW THE JOY OF GIVING AND RECEIVING GRATITUDE.

QUOTE OF THE DAY.
"ALWAYS LOOK AT WHAT YOU HAVE LEFT.
NEVER LOOK AT WHAT YOU HAVE LOST."
A REAL FRIEND IS ONE WHO WALKS IN WHEN THE REST OF THE WORLD WALKS OUT.

DONT WALK I FRONT OF ME, I MAY NOT FOLLOW.
DONT WALK BEHIND ME. I MAY NOT LEAD.
WALK BESID ME AND BE MY FRIEND.

Five Philosophies of life


1 ) "DON'T LET SOMEONE BECOME A PRIORITY IN YOUR LIFE...
WHEN YOU ARE JUST AN OPTION FOR THEM....."

2) "NEVER CRY FOR ANY RELATION IN LIFE BECAUSE FOR THE ONE WHOM YOU CRY DOES NOT DESERVE YOUR TEARS AND THE ONE WHO DESERVES WILL NEVER LET YOU CRY......... ........ "

3) TREAT EVERYONE WITH POLITENESS EVEN THOSE WHO ARE RUDE TO YOU,NOT BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT NICE BUT BECAUSE YOU ARE NICE........ ......... ......

4) NEVER SEARCH YOUR HAPPINESSIN OTHERSWHICH WILL MAKE YOU FEEL ALONE, RATHER SEARCH IT IN YOURSELF YOU WILL FEEL HAPPY EVEN IF YOU ARE LEFT ALONE....... ......... ......

5) HAPPINESS ALWAYS LOOKS SMALL WHEN WE HOLD IT IN OUR HANDS.BUT WHEN WE LEARN TO SHARE IT,WE REALIZE HOW BIG AND PRECIOUS IT IS! ............ ....

10 guidelines

10 GUIDE LINES FOR IMPROVING THE QUALITY OF YOUR LIFE.

01. YOU WILL RECEIVE A BODY... YOU MAY LIKE IT OR HATE IT, BUT IT WILL BE YOURS FOR THE ENTIRE PERIOD YOU'RE AROUND.

02. YOU WILL LEARN LESSONS... YOU ARE ENROLLED IN A FULL-TIME INFORMAL SCHOOL CALLED LIFE. EACH DAY IN THIS SCHOOL YOU WILL HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN LESSONS. YOU MAY LIKE THE LESSONS OR THINK THEM IRRELEVANT AND STUPID.

03. THERE ARE NO MISTAKES, ONLY LESSONS... GROWTH IS A PROCESS OF TRIAL AND ERROR, EXPERIMENTATION. THE "FAILED" EXPERIMENTS ARE AS MUCH A PART OF THE PROCESS AS THE EXPERIMENT THAT ULTIMATELY "WORKS".

04. A LESSON IS REPEATED UNTIL LEARNED... A LESSON WILL BE PRESENTED TO YOU IN VARIOUS FORMS UNTIL YOU HAVE LEARNED IT. WHEN YOU HAVE LEARNED IT, YOU CAN THEN GO ON TO THE NEXT LESSON.

05. LEARNING LESSONS DOES NOT END... THERE IS NO PART OF LIFE THAT DOES NOT CONTAIN ITS LESSONS. IF YOU ARE ALIVE, THERE ARE LESSONS TO BE LEARNED.

06. "THERE" IS NO BETTER THAN "HERE"... WHEN YOUR "THERE" HAS BECOME A "HERE", YOU WILL SIMPLY OBTAIN ANOTHER "THERE" THAT WILL, AGAIN, LOOK BETTER THAN "HERE".

07. OTHERS ARE MERELY MIRRORS OF YOU... YOU CANNOT LOVE OR HATE SOMETHING ABOUT ANOTHER PERSON UNLESS IT REFLECTS TO YOU SOMETHING YOU LOVE OR HATE ABOUT YOURSELF.

08. WHAT YOU MAKE OF YOUR LIFE IS UP TO YOU... YOU HAVE ALL THE TOOLS AND RESOURCES YOU NEED. WHAT YOU DO WITH THEM IS UP TO YOU. THE CHOICE IS YOURS.

09. YOUR ANSWERS LIE INSIDE YOU... THE ANSWERS TO LIFE'S QUESTIONS LIE INSIDE YOU. ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS LOOK, LISTEN AND TRUST.

10. YOU WILL FORGET ALL THIS... UNLESS YOU CONSISTENTLY STAY FOCUSED ON THE GOALS YOU HAVE SET FOR YOURSELF, EVERYTHING YOU'VE JUST READ WON'T MEAN ANY THING.

"LIFE WITHOUT LOVE IS LIKE A TREE WITHOUT BLOSSOM AND FRUIT."

IF YOU OPEN IT, CLOSE IT.

IF YOU TURN IT ON, TURN IT OFF.

IF YOU UNLOCK IT, LOCK IT UP.

IF YOU BREAK IT, ADMIT IT.

IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT, CALL IN SOMEONE WHO CAN.

IF YOU BORROW IT, RETURN IT.

IF YOU VALUE IT, TAKE CARE OF IT.

IF YOU MAKE A MESS CLEAN IT UP.

IF YOU MOVE IT, PUT IT BACK.

IF IT BELONGS TO SOMEONE ELSE AND YOU WANT TO USE IT, GET PERMISSION.

IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO OPERATE IT, LEAVE IT ALONE.

IF IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS,DON'T ASK QUESTIONS.

IF IT AIN'T BROKE, DON'T FIX IT.IF IT WILL BRIGHTEN SOMEONE'S DAY, SAY IT.

IF IT WILL TARNISH SOMEONE'S REPUTATION,KEEP IT TO YOURSELF.

Ten Guidelines from God...

Effective Immediately,

Please be aware that there are changes YOU need to make in YOUR life. These changes need to be completed in order that I may fulfill My promises to you to grant you peace, joy and happiness in this life. I apologize for any inconvenience, but after all that I am doing, this seems very little to ask of you. Please, follow these 10 guidelines.

1. QUIT WORRYING:

Life has dealt you a blow and all you do is sit and worry. Have you forgotten that I am here to take all your burdens and carry them for you? Or do you just enjoy fretting over every little thing that comes your way?

2. PUT IT ON THE LIST:

Something needs done or taken care of. Put it on the list. No, not YOUR list. Put it on MY to-do-list. Let ME be the one to take care of the problem. I can't help you until you turn it over to Me. And although My to-do-list is long, I am after all... God. I can take care of anything you put into My hands. In fact, if the truth were ever really known, I take care of a lot of things for you that you never even realize.

3. TRUST ME:

Once you've given your burdens to Me, quit trying to take them back. Trust in Me. Have the faith that I will take care of all your needs, your problems and your trials. Problems with the kids? Put them on My list. Problem with finances? Put it on My list. Problems with your emotional roller coaster? For My sake, put it on My list. I want to help you. All you have to do is ask.

4. LEAVE IT ALONE:

Don't wake up one morning and say, "Well, I'm feeling much stronger now; I think I can handle it from here." Why do you think you are feeling stronger now? It's simple. You gave Me your burdens and I'm taking care of them. I also renew your strength and cover you in my peace. Don't you know that if I give you these problems back, you will be right back where you started? Leave them with Me and forget about them. Just let Me do My job.

5. TALK TO ME:

I want you to forget a lot of things. Forget what was making you crazy. Forget the worry and the fretting because you know I'm in control. But there's one thing I pray you never forget. Please, don't forget to talk to Me - OFTEN! I love YOU! I want to hear your voice. I want you to include Me in the things going on in your life. I want to hear you talk about your
friends and family. Prayer is simply you having a conversation with Me. I want to be your dearest Friend.

6. HAVE FAITH:

I see a lot of things from up here that you can't see from where you are. Have faith in Me--I know what I'm doing. Trust Me; you wouldn't want the view from My eyes. I will continue to care for you, watch over you, and meet your needs. You only have to trust Me. Although I have a much bigger task than you, it seems as if you have so much trouble just doing your simple part. How hard can trust be?

7. SHARE:

You were taught to share when you were only two years old. When did you forget? That rule still applies. Share with those who are less fortunate than you. Share your joy with those who need encouragement. Share your laughter with those who haven't heard any in such a long time. Share your tears with those who have forgotten how to cry. Share your faith with those who have none.

8. BE PATIENT:

I managed to fix it so in just one lifetime you could have so many diverse experiences. You grow from a child to an adult, have children, change jobs many times, learn many trades, travel to so many places, meet thousands of people, and experience so much. How can you be so impatient then when it takes Me a little longer than you expect to handle something on My to-do-list? Trust in My timing, for My timing is perfect. Just because I created the entire universe in only six days, everyone thinks I should always rush, rush, rush.

9. BE KIND:

Be kind to others, for I love them just as much as I love you. They may not dress like you, or talk like you, or live the same way you do, but I still love you all. Please try to get along, for My sake. I created each of you different in some way. It would be too boring if you were all identical. Please, know I love each of your differences.

10. LOVE YOURSELF:

As much as I love you, how can you not love yourself? You were created by Me for one reason only--to be loved, and to love in return. I am a God of Love. Love Me. Love your neighbors. But also love yourself. It makes My heart ache when I see you so angry with yourself when things go wrong. You are very precious to me. Don't ever forget....

God Bless You! Make it a GREAT

Trust & Honesty

Introduction
A true friendship is built on trust and honesty,is able to withstandthe test of time, and possesses the capacity of forgiveness.

1. Foundation.
A friendship is built on a solid foundation,which enables it towithstand adversity and conflict.For example, a true friend willunderstand your underlying feelingsin spite of your outward actions.

2. Respect.
Respect is the key to any successful relationship;and without it,there can be no true friendship.For example, a true friend maydisagree and share a different opinionin a caring and thoughtfulway, not in a scornful and disdainful manner.

3. Intimacy.
A friendship involves the sharing ofpersonal and intimateinformation, which is safely held between friends. For example, atrue friend will hold a confidenceno matter the burden. 4. Enrichment.A friendship provides a richness toeach friend by giving each asense of value and importance.For example, a true friend is able togive love, compassion, attention,and compliments unselfishly.

5. Nourishment.
A friendship nourishes the soul andmakes the heart sing.Forexample, a true friend knowshow to plant seeds and empower in anhonest and loving way.

6. Dance.
A friendship resembles a perfectly choreographed and perfectly synchronized dance between two partners.For example, a true friendknows what step you are going to takebefore you take it.

7. Support.
A friendship provides support during times of need. For example, when you are walking a difficult path,a true friend is there to quietlywalk beside you and to give youwhatever is needed no matter the circumstances.

8. Harmony.
A friendship is a harmonious bond betweenhuman beings where different ideas and thoughts may be freely shared with each friendhaving the capacity to fully understand.For example, a true friendship involves an honest exchange of ideas without chaos or conflict.

9. Inspiration.
A friendship serves to inspire.For example, a true friend possesses unconditional kindness and love,which inspires others to exemplify the same traits.

10. Partnership.
A friendship is a partnership with both friends working together to create a synergy.For example, an obstacle is more easily andeffortlessly overcome with the help of a friend.

MISSCELLANIOUS...

RAINBOWS APPEAR AFTER MIGHTY STORMS,WHEN THINGS LOOK THEIR VERY WORST,JUST WHEN THE SKIES ARE DARKEST GRAY,LOOK FOR THE RAINBOW FIRST.
THE RAINBOW IS A SIGN OF GOD'S PROMISE, THAT HE WILL GUIDE US THROUGH ANY STORM, THAT HE WILL SEE US THROUGH ALL OUR TROUBLES, NO MATTER WHAT THEIR FORM.

WHEN YOU FEEL BATTERED BY LIFE'S STORMS, AND YOU ARE FILLED WITH DOUBT AND DISMAY; JUST REMEMBER GOD'S RAINBOW IS COMING - IT'S ONLY A PRAYER AWAY.

POINTS TO REMEMBER ......

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
2. Memorize your favorite poem.
3. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
4. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
5. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
7. Believe in love at first sight.
8. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
11. Don't judge people by their relatives.
12. Talk slowly but think quickly.
13. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, Smile and ask "Why do you want to know?"
14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
15. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
16. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
17. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your Actions.
18. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
19. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
20. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
21. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, Their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
22. Spend some time alone.
23. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
24. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
25. Read more books and watch less TV.
26. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, You'll get to enjoy it a second time.
27. Trust in God but lock your car.
28. A loving atmosphere in your home is so important.
29 . In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
30. Read between the lines.
31. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
32. Be gentle with the earth.
33. Pray. There's immeasurable power in it.
34. Never interrupt when you are being flattered.
35. Mind your own business.
36. Don't trust a man/woman who doesn't close his/her eyes when you kiss.
37. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
38. If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth's greatest satisfaction.
39. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.
40. Learn the rules then break some.
41. Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is Greater than your need for each other.
42. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
43. Remember that your character is your destiny.
44. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

prayer for self improvement

God help me to consider peoples feelings, even if most of them ARE hypersensitive. God help me to take responsibility for my own actions, even though they're usually NOT my fault. God, help me to not try to RUN everything. But, if You need some help, please feel free to ASK me! Lord, help me to be more laid back, and help me to do it EXACTLY right. God help me to take things more seriously, especially laughter, parties, and dancing. God give me patience, and I mean right NOW! Lord help me not be a perfectionist. (Did I spell that correctly?) God, help me to finish everything I start God help me to do only what I can, and trust you for the rest. And would you mind putting that in writing? Lord keep me open to others ideas, WRONG though they may be. Lord help me be less independent, but let me do it my way. Lord help me follow established procedures today. On second thought, I'll settle for a few minutes. Lord, help me slow down and not rush through what I do.